Key To Sex
Do you remember when George Foreman made his latest comeback? How about Michael Jordan, or Roger Clemens? Some people just don’t know when it’s time to hang up the old jockstrap, and this movie, Key To Sex, is exactly what I’m talking about. Pornstars like Randy Spears who should have retired long ago, or be behind the camera instead of in front…starlets who have lost their shine and belong in milf and mature movies instead of trying to be glossed up for feature films nowadays.
So as everyone knows the idea of porn with a storyline already gives it one strike, add to this the vanilla fashion-sex for another strike, and it’s not looking good for Key To Sex. Sure the chicks looked semi-hot, but that only reminds me of Keira Knightley’s quote to People magazine, “Sure I look hot…they airbrush the fuck out of me” and this whole movie has a very glossed over airbrushy feel to it.
Key To Sex’s one redeeming quality was the slightly above average budget obviously invested into it’s production values.
So Key To Sex gets one cock-up (even though it didn’t really get my cock up) and my message to 30+ porn starlets is: If you weren’t a superstar in the 70’s or 80’s then you cannot make a comeback cos retro only works for icons and it’s time to move on and do milf. As to Randy Spears…give Mr Happy a rest, he’s becoming Mr Weary.
Whoa…talk about cock, cum and ass crazed sluts taking it to the extreme…this one has the whole freakin package. If you dig nasty anal sluts who dig getting nailed in the ass and then skull fucked while they clean the cocks off…drinking cum out of their own asses mixed with whatever else was in their asses…then this movie is a must-see for you.
I can totally see where the title of this movie comes from, cos other than to specify their gender as chicks there’s no reason for them to even have pussies in this movie. Vaginal Neglect is anal orientation all the way.
Five scenes fucking fill your senses with dick depravity and cum craziness as each of these five sluts shows us that they love getting their booty banged and filled to the rim with huge loads of cum. Then to up the levels of extreme anal appreciation these chicks clean off the cocks with even more zest that they had before the cocks got covered in cum and ass juice. As if that’s not enough, your mind gets further blown by the sheer anal sluttiness when you get to see cum pour out of a well fucked ass and then greedily slurped down!
Vaginal Neglect gets four cocks-up because personally I’m not into neglect and some double penetration action would have made this movie even hotter.
I may be a little bit of an ignorant red-necked pervo at times, but I’ve gotta say that in a whacked out way this is the kinkiest movie I’ve ever seen because as far as I understand it, these Hindu/Muslim/Middle Eastern religious types are totally uptight and their bitches aren’t even supposed to show off their skin (though I’d kinda figured it was just cos they were hairy and ugly) and therefore they totally are going to their demon infested Hindu/Muslim hell…kinda like some European film of nuns having sex or whatever.
So anyway, just like those freaky Germans showed us after we let down the wall, let them loose to let their inhibitions run wild (essentially letting the animals out of the cages)…repression breeds decadence and after watching this movie, from now on when I’m walking down the street, I’m going to look a little closer to try and get a peek under that shawl or whatever it’s called that they wear…maybe take my cell phone and go for some up-veil shots at the local Homeland Security Office.
Three scenes of surprisingly sizzling sex show that regardless of customs, religions, and political differences…a slut is a slut. These chicks are totally eager to gobble up whatever cock is put in front of them and they don’t much care which lips or hole do the gobbling.
I thank Bollywood Bang 2 for expanding my perceptions and give it an open-minded four cocks-up and I look forward to reviewing some animated middle eastern porn where the prophet Mohammed bangs a harem.
Now like many of you I could say that foot fetishing isn’t my bag baby, but foot fetish or not, unless you’re a fag fetish, this movie, Toe Jam 6 is worth killing time jacking to simply because, even if you don’t have a foot fetish I bet you do have a wet pussy fetish, and fuck, do these sluts ever get hot and turned getting their tender tootsies titillated.
Now if I was a foot fetish freak I would take this movie and edit it because even though the chicks are hot and their sluttiness factor is high…the actual sex itself is not a priority in this movie…like most of the actual intercourse is a cock fucking feet instead of pussy. So I would take some nasty all holes filled, no holes barred slutfest gangbang creampie flick and edit these two movies together so that the hot sluts in Toe Jam 6 could get to be in the fuck film that they rightly deserve to be in, and enjoy whatever foot freakiness I may have going.
Toe Jam 6 gets three cocks-up. It would be a two, but I can never say no to true sluttiness, so they get an extra point.
