Dirty Newcummers 1
There are a lot of jobs in the world that people want; there are a lot of jobs in the world that people don’t…for instance, in a candy factory everybody wants to be the guy who gets to try the fudge, but nobody wants to be the guy who has to put the S’s on the Skittles. In porn everybody wants to be the guy who gets to sample the wannabe actresses and figure out who’s got what it takes. Porn nowadays is flooded with wannabe actresses picturing a life where they can get paid oodles of money for laying on their backs. The Dirty Newcummers series highlights many of the new faces of porn…some you will see again probably, and some you won’t.
In my opinion this is a series that starts off with a bang and obviously the producers knew when they stuck the number one on the title that they had a hit on their hands. The chicks in this movie may not be known faces in porn, but it’s obvious scene to scene (and we don’t get ripped off, there are five of them) that these babes know their way around a cock…they suck like pros, they fuck like pros, so in my opinion, even if they’re amateurs, they’re pros. The only thing I would’ve liked to have seen would’ve been some DP action to show that they’ve got what it takes for the long run in this biz. Four solid cocks-up to Dirty Newcummers 1, and I’m sure I will review number two some time in the near future.
Gender Benders and Gays with Tits….thats what this movie is about. I often laugh when I see posts by people saying “It doesnt mean you are gay if you have another guy suck your cock” or “It doesnt mean you’re gay if you fuck some other guy in the ass cos you are the one doing the fucking” or in this case “Im not gay…I don’t do guys I do She-males and Trannies” Get over it guys…if this is your scene you are at least bisexual if not gay, after all you’re seeking cock not pussy and not even hermaphrodites. But whether it’s gay, bisexual or straight…sexuality and sluttiness play the most important part in any porn for deciding whether it’s hot or whether it’s not and appropriately Young Tender Trannies 9 is a mixed bag.
The thing that really surprises me in this movie is that in a couple of the scenes these shemale’s tits don’t even really get any attention paid to them at all. To my figuring if you aren’t going to play with the tits you may as well just get it on with some shaved long haired hippy and have him suck your cock…same diff…I mean thats the point of them being shemales isn’t it ? The sexual energy in the third scene is enough to get anyone off tho…male, female, straight, gay, or bi. These two performers obviously love sex and love getting it on in front of the camera and even tho the shemale isn’t really a chick she/he has one of the sweetest curvy little asses I’ve ever seen and if I didn’t know there was a cock up-front I would want a piece of it too. Three jackable cocks-up for Young Tender Trannies 9…one of the only straight porn movies I’ve reviewed without any chicks in it but a heaping helping of sluts anyways.
Chubby Chasers…you know the good thing about chasing chubby chicks ? Because they are chubby, you don’t have to chase them very far, and when you catch them nature will take care of getting them to bend over so you can plow it on in. Every sane guy out there that likes porn…likes porn where the chicks have big hooters (just look at the success of the bar Hooters if you need proof). Seemingly fortunately due to advances in plastic cosmetology, big tits are now everywhere…I say seemingly because personally I don’t want to be playing with tits that go squeee squeee when you rub them, like latex. I want the real ones that go ba-ba-boomp ba-ba-boomp and smack you silly in the face. Fortunately Big Boob Chubby Chasers falls completely under the ba-ba-boomp category and is actually a pretty hot movie.
It’s been said that large women have large appetites…the second scene in this movie is by far the hottest and this slut’s sexual appetite is insatiable as she snorfles down on a couple decently hung cocks and rides them to full visual effects as her tits bounce up and down, up and down…the rest of the scenes are fairly standard porn but they still are worth watching simply for the sluttiness and curvaceous natural tits and asses for our appreciation in each scene. Three very solid cocks-up for Big Boob Chubby Chasers and next time you go to diss a chubby chick…save it for the ones with no tits.
Every now and then you see bulletins and pamphlets for symposiums that illustrate the plight of people in small African nations, geared to make you feel bad for and empathize with our black brethren. Other times you see bulletins and pamphlets for symposiums that illustrate the plight of the black man in urban cities throughout America. I watch movies like Fuck It Like Its Hot 3 and I say what plight? Obviously these symposiums are total bullshit cos from what I see these black dudes are gifted with cocks that American white guys pay millions of dollars a year in the hopes of having yet never will, and add on to that all those sweet ebony sluts they get to fuck in this movie…I mean that’s a plight I wish I could have.
The sex in this movie was freakin out of sight. I can see why this series is a series…these are some nympho negresses that are as expert at sucking and fucking big black cocks as Chuck Norris. I mean I guess if you learn in the ghetto on these big monster cocks, it just makes you a total pro as you get older…and add to this the super hot contrast of those perfectly pink pussies all slick and shiny with wetness as they get pummeled by these big ebony fucksticks…fucking fantastic man! I personally don’t care too much whether the people I am watching fuck (or fucking) are black or white (just not yellow or green or purple) but the sex in Fuck It Like Its Hot 3 is hot enough that it guarantees you will shoot your load more than once, and gets itself a very solid four cocks-up.
Okay I get the premise that when the cat’s away the pussy will play, and the whole thing about naughty nympho’s left home alone etc, but many of these chicks are hot enough that my big question is, why the hell are they home alone…oh, except for one of the girl-on-girl scenes that comprise the last third of the movie where the chicks weren’t good enough looking to take out anywhere (psst…avoid scene seven). Girls Home Alone 20 hasn’t got too much in your face hardcore action and strikes me more as a voyeur movie that could have been more exciting, but I guess by number twenty, some burn-out is expected.
They say that having an exploring mind when you are young will help to take you far out into the world as you get older. Based on that, the chicks in Girls Home Alone 20 are destined to go far indeed as they make their mark in sex-den after sex-den around the world…cos as far as exploring goes all the mountains, valleys and channels are wide open for exploration on these sluts. The sex itself was a lot more softcore than I like, but in most of the scenes (and God knows there’s a lot of them) the chicks are hot enough to add that extra bit of sizzle to the action themselves. The girl-on-girl stuff is quite hot in a couple scenes, but I also think they should’ve had their boyfriends coming over to drill them properly in a good hot threesome. Three semi-satisfied cocks-up for Girls Home Alone 20.
Thank you Dairy Queen for giving us the term double dipping, or was it fundip candy that gave that to us?…anyways, whichever it was, the term invokes the images of summertime enjoyment and relief. The double dipping in Double Dip Her also gives us a hell of a lot of images of enjoyment and relief. The nasty slut factor of the chicks in this movie is off the meter as they show their eagerness to go down on these double dipped cones and the heat factor in this movie is just as off the meter as they are.
As I said a zillion times, and as anyone who watches porn knows, the secret to hot porn is in the sluttiness of the chicks. Female porn actresses come in three categories…first you get the junkies, alcoholics and asians who will do anything for a buck (yknow sucky sucky five dollar… ?). Then you have the stupid airheads who can’t do anything else with their head so they may as well get paid to be skull-fucked on film…then of course you have the true sluts who are doing what they love doing most (having sex and lots of it) and getting paid for it. Double Dip Her is completely stacked (just like the chicks in it) completely with the true slut kind of actress. In scene after scene these chicks show how much they love cock as they swallow it in each and every orifice that they can, and then do a round robin as the cock circles back into each of the holes again…atm squared baby. Double Dip Her is phenomenal jack-off material, gets a solid four out of five cocks-up, and I will keep my eyes open in hopes that it’s a series.
